Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Random... roaming all over the placeWeather is burning hot ... 42c...feel like melting everytime i walk outdoor...thank god i can still sleep each night...my first dancing class in life - hip hopi love dancing since young...touch on alot... from ballet to hip hop to disco...but none of them were formally learnt...n they were left behind for years... cant remember when was the last time i move my body...finally i pick it up again...with joanne we joined a group of youngster...OMG!!! my hands n legs cannot coordinate!!!OMG!!OMG!! i'm not following the rythm.. dropping off beat...and it was only the introduction !! gonna be more intense for the weeks to come...OK!! I"M NOT GIVING UP!!! practise...practise...practise...i'm literally dragging my feet to work everyday...i'm drained by the long hours of boredom...i'm depressed of the zero workload...i'm tired of trying to look busy...i'm tempted to just resign n look for another job..uwa...so what???i was drowned under my emotions yesterday looking at CL...i doubt... i wonder... i'm all worried...i left the community without warning..and i came back without seeking permission...i ramped into the group just like that...without knowing if they want me to be part of the groupsince them my troubles n burdens became part of theirs...they worried n concern bout me...and it seems like... i spoilt the usual balance that they always have..i broke the even numbers n now it became odd...CL seems to be stress of my presence at times... as if i'm threatening her position in him... am i wrong to go back to the group?my heart sink ... cuz i really love them alot.. sent you 2 sms-es but no reply..busy... or just unnecessaryleft early from eulynn's house to join them for golf as such.. also dont feel like staying where i dont click with more than half of the group..who knows...eulynn asked me:"where are you going? alfred ah?"i can never be out of it?? can i??eulynn... i'm not...not anymore... i'm not....n you...please dont think the same way... i'm not..i need u all to trust me before i can sustain...i need u all to tell me i can get out so that i can really do it...trust me please...i want my own house...i really want... how how how...TL started calling me very often...weird...and the fact is he's calling from msia...something just doesnt feel right...i hope its just me thinking too much...i want to keep a friend... but when i dont know how to handle n say no...i'll run... i hope this will not happen...i treasure u... just like i treasure benson.... lets be friend..i think i should keep a distance from you...since i'm causing unnecessary stress upon her..eventhough i know there's nothing between you me n her...but..i dont know what else to do to ease her tension...i treasure u both a lot... please be well...time is flying so quickly...so so so quickly...its march already...i need to do something...gotta do something..before i turn 40 without knowing it!!!its your birthday next week...i know you are not going to celebrate with me...i dont know what present to get you...
Searching @ 4:12 PM*
