sigh... i wonder what's wrong with me... but i do want to believe its all because of PMS.... JOey!!! i can so relate to you !!!! you know what i did... i took an hour drive by myself after ZLM last night... n couldnt stop crying during the drive... dont ask me why or what happen... i wish i know... tears just flow uncontrollably... but did feel much better after that... release tension as i told u... but i'm abit shocked... cuz i know...eventhough say pms... something has to trigger it... something has to be in store before it can be released.. so dear gal... i think i'm really not the one to tell you what to do... cuz it seems that i'm not handling myself well either... oh well...
maybe... maybe becauz i havent seen u for a while... now that u r back... n memories just flooded my mind n my heart... n i see u treating me lesser than ..... got all sadden by that too seeing u so near yet feeling so far... my heart just sink... maybe guilt n regrets once again conquer my thoughts that i nearly suffocate... maybe the reality its even clearer when i see u causes this sharp pain in me... maybe .. the fact that u know my little action so well sadden me again... maybe...its all maybe... but i miss u... i know this...
maybe... maybe because the uncertainty in me its just overwhelming... overtaking my rationality... uncertainty bout my future... my job...my life... making me feeling like walking in darkness... i know there's road under my feet... but yet i dont know where am i walking to... i take every step with trembling fear... yet i know i can stay put... i cant stop... because i need to get out of the darkness...
maybe because of the song... "through it all" its always this song when things happen... its always this song that reminds me bout God its always this song that reminds me bout pain its always this song that brings me tears...
Maybe because of all the faces... they brought me memories... they expose my wound they reminded me my past they reminded me all the things that i try to forget... tried so so hard...
maybe because i have not actually walk out.. i simply pressing it down all these while i simply hidding them at the deepest not willing for others to know i simply sweeping them under the carpet not wanting to remember it i simply ignoring it not wanting to deal with it i simply refusing help as i'm judging myself i simply .... feeling all alone at times... i simply on the run...again ..again...and again...
maybe because i'm very stress and depress at work its the extreme opposite side of stress from heavy workload... i have not done anything for the past one month... everyone tells me i'm having the best job on earth getting pay to sit around, surf the net and do nothing... but that's not what i want... i understand the situation... but cant help to feel so useless and meaningless... cant help to doubt my capability and trustworthy... cant help but to feel depress when everyone tell me...u r very free right... i dont even bother to email others at work... firstly because they r at work... secondly i dont even have the desire to email them...i want to do some solid work.. stop asking me how's work..i got nothing to tell... cuz i've got minimal work... dont know who to tell cuz i dont want to complain... i know its a blessing to get this job... so i dont want to complain... dont want to discougae others n myself further.... but the thought of resigning is lingering in my mind...
the 'maybe' will never end... cuz i'm a woman... anything can trigger my emotions especially during my pms period... but at least one thing that i am thankful... i did not do anything stupid or extra or unnecessary last night... at least... i did not cause troubles to others... at least ... its over now... thanks daddy...
Searching @ 5:02 PM*
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For those who doesnt know me will stay far from me. For those who loves me will always hurt by me. -Profile here-
