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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Random…

This is my fourth week at work…
Yet I’m sitting down here doing nothing… feel rather useless…
Though I can reason why there’s nothing for me to do…
But yet…trying to look busy or at least occupied for 8 hours a day is very tiring…
Oh well… just gonna wait and be patient…
I believe God put me here for a reason…
Just gonna wait to be used… by God and by Men…

I’m rather tired these few days… mainly emotionally…
I love my life now… I love the people around me…
I’m thankful to the Lord for giving me the second chance…
To live To serve To enjoy To see To feel and To Love again
For me to turn away from God and from people for so many times
Yet everyone still accept me kindly
The Lord still forgive me mercifully
I am thankful and contented

Was talking to a friend yesterday
Blurted everything out to him
All because I mistakenly replied a sms to him
Of my surprise, he actually knew everything that happened
I was shocked by how words spread yet relieved in a way
I always thought that this burden can only be carried by myself
Though he cant help at all, but its good to have a listener
Especially at this moment
Where I am being constantly bombarded by emails
Where I’m being crowned as selfish and betrayer
Where I’m flooded with worries and guilt
Where the constant struggle of wanting to move on badly yet feel sorry that I cant do much for him anymore
Where I have to reject him over and over again
Where I tried to convinced him of everyone’s love for him yet always get backfired
Where I’m dying to ask people to approach and help him yet I know its just gonna push him further away
Where I’m desperate to break the chain yet worry that I’ll break him further
Where I’m being blame to be not understanding and will only give empty promises

And the list will go on and on
Honestly I myself cant bear all these though I’m trying to
My friend asked me to use the extreme
To delete his number and emails
Call him if he ever comes to my house
Cuz he thinks he is only using and destroying me

He told me this
He was worried about me even before I know him well
He was worried to know something is going on yet I didn’t open my mouth
And he said he’s willing to help if I needed some anytime
I’m truly touched to know someone cares
Especially its from someone that I barely know before
I believe that these words are from God
To remind me that He knows and He cares
And all these people are angels He sent
To give me comfort and strength

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