Thursday, January 25, 2007
My G.O.D is B.I.G
I’ll tightly seal this short phase in my heart…
As I know the devil is not letting me go .. not at all..
But me… after all that has happened…
I think I’m in a awaking process..
I’m now learning to let God take over… not just speaking from word…
But doing it from my heart..and I ask for peace to face any and every circumstances…
And God does.. He smile and said “told you to let go.. see what have you got yourself into before.. its alright now…relax my child.. I’ll handle it.. just stay along my side and you’ll be fine…”
I can feel what Peter was feeling in the storm… the trust, calmness and peace that’s beyond understanding… that comes from God and God only…
Just before I came back…
Again you throw your emotions on me…wanting to cut-off the connections again…
Falling all into your depressive mode… saying I can only move on without you around..
Honestly I was affected… understand and cant comprehend towards the whole issue…. So as per you wish… I ignore you… I was too busy and too far to do anything… and I think…something in me changed….
Touching down in perth…dropping you a msg…informing you of my arrival… hoping you wont feel that rejected… trying to prove that I have nothing against you …not at all… again.. ignored my sms…fine.. I’m not surprised at all…as usual…you are dwelling in your self-pity mode..
Few days after…u called to ask me bout Joey…sounded so normal and cool…put down the phone after passing on the message… fine.. I continue with my youth group…
Again.. you contacted me for work related reasons….we chat as if nothing has happened… ok cool… you are now at your better mode… glad you are .. I am really glad…
During all these…I’m trying to settle down back to life in perth…being independent again…settle in my new job… getting back to church…getting back in touch with the community… I’m glad you seems alright…and mavis said you guys went out for meal…I’m glad to know.. because… I’m trying to get back on track as well… I am busy.. mentally..
Then you dropped a bomb out of no where… called to say you want to drop me some documents…being sarcastic when you know I’m out (cant I go out???) … then called again later the same day… asking me what’s my dinner plan… yes… I have plan already…because its Derree’s birthday…. Then you drop the line before I could say anything… fine… knowing you too well…you are in your depression again… dropped you a message trying to explain myself… promising another date to catch up … and there you again throw tantrum on me … I am loosing my patience this time.. you might say I am selfish…and you always portrait me as a betrayer… thinking I’m having good life leaving you suffering all by yourself.. admitting your jealousy that you cant go back to where you are… I’ve never blame you on any of this… I know you are not thinking straight… but please understand… it’s not easy for me to stand up and move on… I struggled to be where I am today… I hope the same for you… but for you to continue treating me like a slave or a dog.. who presence is upon your calling… let me tell you I’m loosing the patience… I’ve given you enough time… and at this stage… its really your choice to stand up or not… as a friend…I dare to say I’ve done all I can… more than what I can offer… I’m drained.. and I have my emotions … so again… I choose to ignore you…
Few days after… you are up to your mood again.. leaving my dvds outside my door step knowing that I’m just inside the house… forcing me to reply to your sms…
Within two weeks that I’m back in perth…the devil try hard enough to drag me down again…
Oh Lord… I know this is not from you… but the devil
And Father… I ask for stillness … stillness in your presence… that I’ll not be shaken or be moved…
Father I ask for wisdom and strength… to resist… to breakthrough the devils’ lies and temptation… Father I ask for your magnificent power and gracious love to turn the situation around… to show us direction and truth….
Father may all things dim down but your glory shows…
Let me see not others but you alone …
Father… removed the hatred I have towards her…
Re-build the compassion I have towards mankind…
And lord, pick him up from where he falls and teach him how to walk again…
Father, may this year be your Year.. a year whom I have my eyes and heart fixed on you and you only… whatever that comes into my way…may it be your plan…
When the Oceans rise and Thunder roars
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know YOU ARE GOD
Searching @ 4:15 PM*