Thursday, November 03, 2005
1.15pm...in my officee~~~its been a while since i last penning down my thoughts in this blog...for some reason...only vero knows why ;Þalso for another reason...maybe i'm in a bit of denial...i realise that my blog is too sad .... way too sad..whenever i read back my previous postings.... i got sadden by my own words... n i know during the past month...every words that come out from me is gonna be grey...n i realise...the more i emphasize on it... the more attention i give into it... (u know...u have to write something good by putting in lots of emotions n feelings) ... the more i'll dwell in the sorrow..the pain... so i'm kinda back off...not wanting to open my blog...not wanting to write a word here... but actually...i was still writing a lot... i bring a note pad with me everywhere i go...pen down every thoughts that hit me...mostly on the bus... n i do my QT by writing my journals as well...write ..n write ...n write...cool ya...or stupid...i dont know... but just thought that...i dont wanna miss this moment in life just like that...eventhough is all kind of lousy feelings but every single word that i write...i direct them to God...i've never feel so close to Him before...as if He's my all time listener (He is actually)... feel comforted n secured though...something to be noted... i finally pray the prayer of breaking the soul tie between me n him... (never expect him to reply in such a dodgy way) it hurts...but i think its a good pain... its so painful that...to the point i was telling myself...i really dont wanna go through this kind of pain anymore... that i really just want to let go n dont want to look back... then besides all the sweet moments...i started remembering the bad ones as well...how we speed our cars down freeway n have this major quarrel middle of the night at the centre of freeway... (its at the centre lane lor -_- thank God we still survive)... how we fight over n over again... how we disagree in all ways...i think when i start to remember all these painful moments... its really an assurance as to why do we need to end our relationship...**no peace man**well...saying all these doesnt mean i've move on or let go (how i wish)...but just wanna remind myself...that its over...n its good for it to be over... we can still remember our past yet at the same time needa look forward to the future....not easy...in fact its super hard (especially when we meet each other almost everyday...sienz....God...u having fun ya ?!?!?! ) but oh well... i'm a bit used to the pain now...starting to feel numb...mmmm..... all i want to do now...is to get my study done... cuz even if i dont have any good partner in life ... but at least i wanna excel in my studies... from UWA mah...=Þ
Searching @ 1:50 PM*
