+ : + : + : + : V i n t a g e INNOCenCe + : + : + :

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Monday, October 03, 2005

wan see said that inez prayed this prayer
asking God to break her & re-shape her the way he wants her to be...
that's how she came along..

i wonder if God is doing the same thing to me... but i didnt pray for that!!!

Dear Lord,
i really dont know how broken can i be..
at this moment...everything is grey to me...
i lost my 2 most important people/hope within 10 days...
something you know that i hold so dearly to my heart...
but yet within 10days...u took them all away...
Lord, r u sure i can handle this??

well...dear Lord...here i am then..
all broken & scattered... & i dont have the strength to patch myself up again...
i'm way way too tired...
take me Lord...take me Lord..

throughout this period...
the more i struggle....the worse the situation gets...
the more i want it my way...the more opposite way it went...
i lose all those that i want...that i dream of...
now Lord... who can i turn to but you...
but Lord... dont you think u r a bit harsh on me?
my one wrong decision... take me to this far...to the extent that i dont know my way home anymore...
i dont know where the original chan siew bee is...i cant find her...
i cant find her passion...her laughter...her sweet dream...her deep sleep...
i hate the person in front of me now...
a person that's full of bitterness & sorrow... a person that dont know how to enjoy & appreciate happiness & people around her... i really hate this person... i hate her tears... i hate her pain...i just hate it...

dear Lord...am i unworthy of a single bit of happiness?
why just cant walk out of it?
they both individually have found their love ones...
but i'm still dwelling in the past...
want to let go but dont know how...want to move on but dont know how?

Dear God...
i'm very scared...
i am very very scared...i'm not as strong as i portrait to be...
life without him? life? life?

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