+ : + : + : + : V i n t a g e INNOCenCe + : + : + :

Friday, June 29, 2007

If you ask me how am i lately...

physically..
i gained weight.. oh no..
as a result of eating a lot a lot...
a result of taking my weight n figure for granted..
i skin is recovering.. still marks and scars remained..
but i know healing is in process...
i've got back n shoulder ache.. from work, from stress or from posture..

things i did...
i finally sent my car to service...
got the wheel bearing fixed n now i'm driving in peace...
the mechanic said i could have got killed anytime...as the wheel might fly off ... phew...
i got my rooms' carpet clean... major hard work...
to move everything out n back into the room...
but i'm happy... to do something i've been wanting it to be done...
i got my lawn mowed n plants trimmed...
now my driveway looks much wider n my garden looks neater...
i'm in the midst of preparing O² Youth 1st Anniversary...
i'm in the midst of Grace registration...
i rearrnge my room... feeling a little refresh now... liking it...
i arrange a groomer to come next sunday to groom the monsters... looking forward to that...

shopping spree
i got my self an ipod FM transmitter... i'm enjoying my music during the drive now...
i got myself some new tops... while waiting to collect my car... i went shopping...
i got myself some new foundation.. i actually prefer to go without makeup..
i got myself a new wardrobe... it kills all my strength n energy to get it assemble..especially its the day after my carpet clean.. dead tired after that....
i got myself a new shower curtain... but its too short... sigh... gotta get a new one.. by the way.. the one u got me is still for sale in Ikea.. but i dont dare to get it... i dont want to be reminded of u twice a day during my shower...
i bought another dining chair.. because u took 2 away.. still serving u well?
i got myself the entertainment book... hope i wont regret at the end...

things happened...
joey is finally back...
honestly i feel as if she's never left us...
maybe time just passing too quickly... as i still remember clearly the day she left... n now she's back... i know things is gonna get better for her... because God promises so...
after 6 months of ignorance... i'm back in touch with him... but things changed drastically...
he said i changed a lot... n i wont denied that... i'm no longer who i was... whom being led only by emotions... now.. i'm giving him a chance of friendship n friendship only... for i'm given the chance by many.. but i'm sorry i got nothing else to offer... i'm cold blooded i know... but please forgive my hardened heart... for i'm not interested to go through those pain... friends...are what we'll be...

my soul says
i miss you... and i miss you a lot...
for the past 10 years.. i've never felt so so far from you...
even when i was away in msia...
but now... even when we are standing in the same congregation...
u seems to be at an unreach distance from me...
but if this is the way the Lord wants us to be...
i'll let it be...
on the other hand...
i think i'm used to it now...
used to seeing you from far..loving you deep within... and keeping you in my prayer...
i'm in such conflict sometimes...
i'm eager to know how are you lately...your new job..your new car... your family's well-being.. n guess what... i miss ben when i saw his photo u posted...
but on the other hand... i dont want to know anything... hoping memories will fade through constant avoidance and ignorance..
but di you know this...
i'm not the only one missing you..
su misses u a lot too... sometimes i tried to capture her attention...
i'll said "su...papa oh!!"... our darling will immediately be alert... then look out to the window or door...then start running towards it n wait...listen ... hoping to see u step into the house... it breaks my heart sometimes when i see that... so i stop tricking hernowadays... cuz... not only she gets disappointed... i realise sub-conciously i hope for miracle to happen too... obviously... its a lie..
was talking to ing they all... they are happy for your new relationship...yet they are all worried bout me... just that they never dare to ask me anything...
it touches my heart a lot... yet it feels so much... they see us through all these years... yet i've disappoint them n never open my heart to them... will you bring her back end of this year? guess she'll get along with them... because u r their beloved brother and friend... they will welcome the one you love...
hey.. i know many people have assured me this... and i'm trying my best too...
but deep down.. i wish to hear it from you...
do you think i can do it?
do you think i can move on well?
do you think i get let you go?
do you think i should stay in perth?
do you think i'm worth loving?
you told me this before.. i have to believe that i will be and i can be happy again... everything will come to past... is this still true? even without you around?
i have many many known questions in me... i know the answer... and i know what's the right thing to do... just that...if its from you... i think i can do it better...

though you'll never read this..
never..

Searching @ 4:18 PM*

Monday, June 18, 2007

183CLUB - 感情線

我想我已開始有點疑惑
好像被他說中些什麼
難道已經沒有別的選擇
只能乖乖的束手就策

難過的是我們做了選擇
是对是錯誰也沒把握
如果要我放手才能獲得
為何在我心中有捨不得

看著你要走
還裝著笑容
掩飾的脆弱要撐多久
如果現在開口
如何挽留
感情這條線
注定只能這麼遠

不敢相信已經來到終點
想你愛他必定多一些
我們之間不可能再回到從前
我還傻傻畫著幸福線

看著你走遠
還繼續裝笑臉
掩飾折磨我能撐多久
如果現在開口
怎麼挽留感情這條線
注定無法延長一點

你已不在
而我何時才清醒
相信一切都是命
不曾放棄你
我不會說什麼
默默的承受

看著你要走還裝著笑容
掩飾的脆弱要撐多久
如果現在開口如何挽留
感情這條線注定只能這麼遠

看著你要走還裝著笑容 (We will carry on)
掩飾的脆弱要撐多久 (knowing there were word's I' ve never said baby)
如果現在開口如何挽留
感情這條線注定只能這麼遠
(Let the words remain unsaid )

Searching @ 10:33 AM*

Friday, June 08, 2007

Anti social ?!?!

was chatting to a cell member today...
he said the following :

hahahha...yes i have heard that about you actually... = )

No wonder people found it so difficult to chat with you online... hey! didnt you tell me you did not like to use the phone to talk with your friends...then should not MSN be the next alternative?

OOOOiiii dun tell me you anti social issit? = *

-_-
i know i can be really ignorant at times..
but never realise its so well-spread
i must say i dont know this cell member very well..
but even he heard of my ignorance towards people...
n suspect i'm an anti-social...
hhmmmmpppphhhhhhh

oh well...
i must admit i am... most of the time
but i just dont know how to start ....

all the years of following him around...
taking his friends as my friends...
i never need to make friends by myself...
with his popularity... i'm always in the loop...
and i'm so used to telling him everything n him alone...
since 17 .. i always have n i only need his ears...
when the world accused me...
when my friends isolated me...
when i left me family and friends to come to perth ...
he has always been there...
so i'm trained n used to be a moon...
to only circle around the earth...
i dont care if there's billions stars out there...
my entire life has only been following the same setting...
to revolve around the earth...
to be led by the gravity...

oh well...
getting to far...
i suddenly recall another friend asked me this couple of months ago..
" how do you maintain a friendship when you never call or keep in touch with people?"

sigh..
so hard...
without gravity to lead me...
so hard...

Searching @ 3:30 PM*

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Pastor Josh Moyo

A very passionate preacher...
He shows 100% excitement in sharing the gospel..
havent heard of something that can really touch my heart for a while...
i like what he said....

Quote from ps Josh...

To be successful in life...as a person..
we need to..
Look UP - looking to where God is... the one who has control over any & everything...
when we look up to him...that's when faith & hope enters our life.. that's when fear flee from us... looking up to God.. knowing all things are possible...

Look WITHIN - where the holy spirit is... where God's righteounous lay... where guidance comes from... the we peace and rest were found... the power & strength generated... because not by might..not by power...but by the spirit of God that's within us...

Look AROUND - ps Josh says... its important to look around... to see who are we hanging out with... because they determine who we are too... for they are the ones that's influencing us... so we have to be cautious of who we choose to be friends with...for they can make us or break us... i see it from other side... to look around... to realise how many angels God has place upon ur life... the ones who wipe ur tears when u cry...the one who laugh with u when u r telling the lamest joke ... the one who give u a hug when u think u can do it by urself anymore... the one who take u out for a drive when u need a break... the one who always keep u in prayer n remembrance when they know u r at ur low... the one who return ur calls in the midst of their tight schedule... the one who lend a ear but shut their mouth when u need a listener... the one whi walk u through thick & thins n never complaint of tiredness... the one who always rebuke but forgive for all the wrongs that you've done.. the one who always wait no matter how long u've drifted away... the one who's willing to be there even when u r not willing to talk....... looking around...finding all these people... u'll then realise... the ONE who hurts u worth nothing compare to all the above... u'd then choose to SMile for all the one who loves u... n not grieve about the ONE who left u....

Look BEHIND - when we think we can go one anymore... look behind.. realising how far have we came from... how much have we gone through...n how much has God brought us through... if he can bring us through the past.. he can bring us through the future... if He has not let us go before...He wont let us go till eternity... n looking back.. we'll then realised we cant count our blessings... because its simply countless... and what are there still to complaint about... n lastly looking to our past... we ought to learn from the past... life is too short to make the same mistake twice... n life is not long to have all kind of experiments... so ask for the Lord's wisdom to choose the right path...

Look FORWARD - knowing God is at the end of the tunnel gives us the strength to carry through the journey... leave yesterday behind and look forward to what god has in store for you... we are only give 2 hands... one to grab the presence and the other to reach out to the future... if we dont let go of the past... we'll not be able to grab hold of anything that God has laid before us... We need to learnt from the past... living presence to the fullness and look forward to the future... for God says he has plans to prosper us n not to harm us...

Quote from ps J.M partial sermons as at 03.06.07

Searching @ 9:50 AM*

Friday, June 01, 2007

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Searching @ 9:04 AM*

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