Thursday, May 24, 2007
" 痛苦，就是没有办法忘记却要微笑着面对 "
Searching @ 2:02 PM*
Friday, May 18, 2007
~~ Angel ~~
my day was a bit blue...
till i receive this...
an angel just dropped into my world...
sprinkling dust of love & joy...
*** Baby Natalie Chan ***
Searching @ 11:58 AM*
From an email...
"If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it."
Searching @ 10:30 AM*
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
When God created a Dinosaur & a BeeTwo absolutely different creature..They first met when they were 13..all young and innocent... Dino was sitting right infront of the tiny bee... they fight the first day they met... They quarrel non-stop for the entire week..miraculously they became good friends from then...They shared..they teased..they laughed... and they both are in the volleyball team...Then they separated ... gone into different classes.. Gown up individually...After few years.. when both eyes met again..They then realised they have both grown up...something started to stir in both hearts... Both cant keep their eyes and heart away from another...After many many moons of thinking...saving up courages...During Christmas 1996... Dino went up to Bee...saying : " i like YOu"...before he rushed out of the house..all blushed and shy...From then on... they lived into each other's heart... conquering the soul...16th January 1997...Dino whisper to Bee.. asking gently.." Can you be my girlfriend?? "Bee.. speechless with heart filled of love n tenderness.. she nodded....From then... they stepped into each other's life... Dino ... promising to himself...He'll be responsible over the tiny Bee for the rest of His life...He'll not change... n He never thought of changing...He carried Bee on His shoulder... Her burdens become His..Her laughter brings Him Joy...He swore they will not be separated.. He held her tightly as if he'll never let go..He gave up his plans to England or Canada... ~~Perth because Bee will be there... He planned and he worked for the future...And he set the blue print in his heart... He wants Bee to be His... from then till forever... But... the tiny greedy bee...All loved and protected by Her BIG tree...not realising how much she has... Needless to walk or fly by herself...lying on broad shouder of Dino...she looks up and think... wow..the world is much wider than i thought...She looks at other creatures... curiously looking at them... wanting to know more about any & everything...when she was approached by the alien.. she was tempted...she drawed a wonderful picture in her mind from what the alien told her...she imagine life must be better n sweeter than staying at the boring shoulder... so July 2004... she did the stupiest thing in her lifeshe jumped off Dino's shoulder... following the alien... thinking she made the right decision..leaving behind the warm and strong arms... who has carried her all these years..who has sheltered her from waves and storms...who endured everything just wanting to love her... who walked her through thick or thin for the past 7 yearsBee witness his pain...saw his tears...she hesitated but her heart was hardened n blinded...thinking...it's the best for both...ALl would know...Lies can never last...Bee's all sweet and beautiful bubblish dreams then broken...Alien doesnt belong to the earth...neither to bee...Alien was there to explore n not to settled down... quickly he found interest in another creature that he thought attractive... leaving Bee all by herself...Bee then realised what an idiot she was...but its all too late to regret...and the worst to follow...after being carried by the dino all these years...she realised that her wings are broken and her legs are weak... and her vision is blurwithout Dino... she cant go anywhere... she doesnt know how to n where to continue ...Storms and waves started to hit so hard on her...she then realised what a shelter she has before... who carrys her, protect her and love her... but again...all too late to regret...and she knows.. though she left Dino...He was still watching and protecting her from far... He once walked near...but due to shame and guilt...Bee pushed Dino away again n again... His love reminds her of her unfaithfulness...Dino was hurt again...not understanding why...but he does what she wishes...he stayed away from her...but little did he know...he is the source of strenght for Bee...Bee was able to survive and stand strong all these years...simply because she knows dino is there watching over her...knowing he is not far away...knowing though the whole world might hate her...he will still see her as who she was...only Bee knows this... that whenever she cant go on anymore...whenever she wants to give up... whenever her world is torn apart...a glance from Him... a word .. a msg will help Bee to sustain a little longer... walk a bit further...Bee wants him back...badly...but she'll never tell... cuz she knows she's unworthy of having him...so she thought... what she has now is enough... a greeting or a glance from far... she would be contented... she thought... this can continue ... she thought DIno will always be her guardian angel.. her big tree.. She thought... she needs to be strong... so that she can get over the past n face him again...she tries to walk up right... so that she can look into his eyes again..she thought God wants her to be the right one... before things may change between them...she waited patiently and she worked hard... for God and for him... Not till she found out...she has again became an idiot...The arms are still strong and protective...The shoulders are still wide and warm...But Dino is now carrying a rabbit with him...A rabbit who admires and loves him...a rabbit whose eyes fixed on him and him only...And Dino... now carrys her on his shoulder...smiling and thanking God for the rabbit...everyone celebrates... they cheer for Dino for finding his true love..at one corner... the Bee look at the familiar shoulder.. The place where she once cried, bite, leaned, hug... is now labelled a different surname...The Bee looked back to herself...and she looked to God..Her tears dropped and her heart once again broken...God hugs her lovingly...saying that... "its been 3 years...you have been stepping on the same ground for 3 years...now that your wings are healed and your legs are grown...its time to fly away from this land... to where i call you to be..."Bee wepted.. asking God" the place?? a place without Dino??... i dont know if i can do without him.. he has been in my life for the past 10 years... i miss him... "God replied :" you chose this path... you decided you way 3 years ago... now there's no turning back... you just have to continue walking... even without Dino... you just have to keep going... till the day you cant go any further... till you've lost your last bit of strength.. then you'll find him again... where you both shall rest in my kingdom and no one can bring you apart again... "Bee replied:" i'll go if that's the best and only way... with just one condition and request... that You have to bless and protect him... that You'll prosper and keep him safe and healthy.. that His life has to be filled with love, joy and peace... that no one can bring upon any hurts or harms into his life... Dear God... with you promising me to take care of him... i'll go anywhere you call me to... and i trust you lord... "For that promise that God made...Bee farewelled to her very precious prince.. She'll never forget him... but keep him in the safest place where no one can replace... in her very heart... She'll keep her promise... that the rest of her life will shine brightly for the Lord... and fulfill all the calling He made... and...she look forward to meet him in eternity again... For you...My Jack... my Dino...my Big tree...
Searching @ 3:30 PM*
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Missing ... The one and the onlyIn an email..a friend wrote:i've been having weird dreams.
and guess what?
i've been missing him
i have!
and i don't want to.
what's the point of missing him?
hmmm...i replied:Missing him...missing him...
I'm sorry but I can only listen...
No one can help u but urself n God...
No point of missing someone who doesn't miss u anymore...
No point of missing someone who has turned their head away...
No point of missing someone who has moved on...
Say is easier than done ya...
Sometimes... something ... can only be buried deep down in ur heart in ur memory...
Time will heal...
N u'll move on ...
I'm telling u this...
N to myself too... then followed:i find that the harder i try not to miss him,
the harder i try not to think about him
the more i do.
time will heal?
how much time?
its already been 4 years, coming on 5 years that i've been trying to forget him
4/5 years where i swing between thinking that it'll never work, and trying to make it work.
45 years of missing him and trying to forget him.
how long more?In another friend's blog:"Million times I’ve told myself to just let it go and move on.
Million times I tried, million times I failed. ~~~" i feel the pain for my beloved friends...as much as the pain i have inside me...but i cant help them at all..i cant even open my mouth to tell them...'its going to be ok... it will be fine..'bearing the sharp pain in me...just like her... i still miss him from the deepest of my heart after 3 years...just like her... i told myself a thousand times... i'm gonna let go n move on...but i failed a millions then...loosing the one that is so so special to us...
the one that means nothing to others but a world to us..the one who share our joy n tears..the one who knows us inside out.. from a blink of eyes to a wave of hand...the one who accept our shortcomings n tolerate our short temper..the one who laugh at your lamest joke and listen to ur smallest problem... the one .. the only one.. the special ones... and now... seeing her declaring her love.. her new relationship to the world...my heart shattered... my world darken... but yet...there's nothing i can do ...i selfishly think... how can he abandon me just like that... how can he leaves me just like that...why gives me all the false hope n made me feeling special just before leaving me...but i'm always reminded that...i was the one that first left him...i was the one who crushed his world n how can i blame him for building a new one now...then again God reminded me..everything that happened is a consequence on choices we made...and we need to be accountable to choices we made... be it good or bad...be it suffer or regrets..be it by will or by force...we'll just need to pick up the fruits from the seed we planted earlier.. i almost want to run...to a place where only God knows where it is...where no pain no hurt no tears n no nightmares..but at the same time...i want to stay... for those who love me n i love them deeply ...and even for the special one...thought we are now a world apart...but the greatest blessings i can give him...is to live a better life... even without him... especially without him...i dont know how to achieve that...i dont know if i can ever achieve that...n i dont know when would i achieve that...but i'm just gonna keep trying...keep believing that time will heal...time... just give us a bit more time...we might take longer than everyone else...but do trust in us...we'll walk out of it eventually...God knows when... and He'll lead us there...for now...just dont touch our bleeding wounds...leave us alone.. let God deal with us... You'll soon see us shining brighter than ever...
Searching @ 3:00 PM*
Monday, May 07, 2007
i Said:"Congratulations to Your New Relationship.."You Replied:"Thanks"no hesitation... i always thought maybe you are like me...always holding on to our past tightly.. cuz it was too precious to let go..but now i know.. i am so so wrong... something that's precious to me...is simply a piece of rubbish to you.. Farewell...My precious prince..
Searching @ 9:28 AM*
Thursday, May 03, 2007
one of my recent activities...
had steambot over at Ren's new house...
for Nancy's farewell..
a very nice and cosy house..
remind of the house in South Perth
A house full of my sweetest memories...
anyway...
Searching @ 2:19 PM*
Wish Listas i was writing my journal last night...i start writing ... " how i wish..."the list seems never ending... maybe i'm simply a greedy person ... there i go...How i wish~~~~i can turn back time and unwind the worst decision i have made in my lifei can tell you many more times i love you when you are still there to listeni can hear your soul and not your voicei can see you heart and not your acti can realise how deep your love was for me theni can appreciate and cherish what i have and not what i wanti can see the beauty of simplicity and not the short excitement of romancei can hold on tighter to you than choose to let you goi can stay on longer to give another try than just giving up like thati can give you another chance when you asked for one than now i'm mourning for not having onei can be your bride when you talked about marriage than now wandering in the wanderi can see the blue print in your heart when you work hard for our future i can still walk the dog with you, cook for you, argue with you.. feel proud of you.. follow you everywhere you go and tell you everytime before i sleep that... "good night i love you"i can see you whenever i want .. no needing a good reason or excuse.. not needing to miss you at every heart beati can laugh over you and wipe my tears on youand the list goes on n on n on till infinite end... well... i truly know i CANT do the above ...i know... i really know...i CANt so long i cant achieve the very first one... wishes are vague.. hardly any will come true... that's why they are my wishes and not my prayer... cuz i know the possibility of them coming true is another infinite zero.. so a bit of self-protection.. to avoid disappointment... i leave them as wishes... i know God is loving n almighty... he can turn all impossibles to possibles... but i guess everyone needs to be accountable of their decision n action... so i'm bearing the fruits of my deed... my mistakes... no one to blame...i still remember the Lord told me this when i asked him the big WHY HE said:~you chose not to hear my voice when you made your decision, you didnt ask me for direction and guidance when you chose your way... why ask me "WHY" now when thing goes wrong? "~that was the first time i hear His voice so clearly in my life...that statement hit me to the face... harsh n clear...now i'm not holding any grudges towards the Lord nor i think he's against me that's why i dont dare to pray bout it... i just know... sometimes .. something... you just cant force through it... i always remember the serenity prayer:God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot changecourage to change the things I canand wisdom to know the differencewell... i guess all of the above are my random thoughts...cuz i miss you... for i can only see you the barely once a week... that barely few glance... that barely few minutes... mmm...just missing you... Labels: Wish List
Searching @ 2:16 PM*
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
A Clumpsy Dumpsy DayI spilled water over my skirt this morning just before i need to go to workI dropped my lunch box and spilled my food all over the place...sigh... means gonna spent money to buy lunch... ** i brought porridge for lunch today**i dropped my lunch box again when i was wiping it... thank goodness there's no cleaning to be done this time...honestly... when i was making myself a soup-in-a-cup... i'm kind of expecting something to happen... either i drop the powder packet or i spill the soup over me again... thank goodness that didnt happen... gosh... is this the day!??!?!now is only mid-day... God... please let me have my eyes wide open...have my arms strenghten n my fingers extended for the rest of the days!!let there be NO MORE SPILLING or DROPPING at least for today!
Searching @ 10:38 PM*
