Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Thanks for coming out dinner with me last night
I know its no big deal to you
As u often meet different people for meals
Its something common for you
And the dinner did not last long as well
But guess what
Even though its just a short ~1 hour meal
I’m happy and that’s all I’m asking for
The feeling is so familiar and as if nothing has changed
That I picked you up after meeting
Then we went for dinner
A simply dinner between the two of us
And as usual you are tired after that and I sent you straight home
Because you feel like sleeping and you have lots to do
Nothing fancy nothing special
You are still the one that I know
Your habit your talking your behaviour
Your simplicity your gentleness your taste
I clearly know I can only enjoy all these within me
And I can only steal these moments till your One came into your life
But I’m thankful for all these simple moments that I have with you
That has taught me simplicity is the beauty of life
Searching @ 1:11 PM*
I read this
On average, a four year old kid will ask 247 questions a day
So if I take out 15 hours of their sleeping and eating time where their mouth is occupied
It means they ask an average of 30 questions every hour that they are awake…
Oh gosh
Can someone please invent a talking, walking encyclopaedia that can be operate by a 4 year old kid
Cant handle that many questions
No NO NOOOOOOOOoo
Other interesting fact found
The only animal that cant jump – elephant
The only fish that can blink with both eyes – shark
There’s no eyebrow on Mona Lisa’s painting
All animals that lay eggs have no belly button
Bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps
Human body is half an inch taller when they are asleep
There’s more chickens that human beings in this world
Cant remember the rest
But guess where I found all these oddspot
Only ladies will know
Hahahahahha
Searching @ 1:10 PM*
Random…
This is my fourth week at work…
Yet I’m sitting down here doing nothing… feel rather useless…
Though I can reason why there’s nothing for me to do…
But yet…trying to look busy or at least occupied for 8 hours a day is very tiring…
Oh well… just gonna wait and be patient…
I believe God put me here for a reason…
Just gonna wait to be used… by God and by Men…
I’m rather tired these few days… mainly emotionally…
I love my life now… I love the people around me…
I’m thankful to the Lord for giving me the second chance…
To live To serve To enjoy To see To feel and To Love again
For me to turn away from God and from people for so many times
Yet everyone still accept me kindly
The Lord still forgive me mercifully
I am thankful and contented
Was talking to a friend yesterday
Blurted everything out to him
All because I mistakenly replied a sms to him
Of my surprise, he actually knew everything that happened
I was shocked by how words spread yet relieved in a way
I always thought that this burden can only be carried by myself
Though he cant help at all, but its good to have a listener
Especially at this moment
Where I am being constantly bombarded by emails
Where I’m being crowned as selfish and betrayer
Where I’m flooded with worries and guilt
Where the constant struggle of wanting to move on badly yet feel sorry that I cant do much for him anymore
Where I have to reject him over and over again
Where I tried to convinced him of everyone’s love for him yet always get backfired
Where I’m dying to ask people to approach and help him yet I know its just gonna push him further away
Where I’m desperate to break the chain yet worry that I’ll break him further
Where I’m being blame to be not understanding and will only give empty promises
And the list will go on and on
Honestly I myself cant bear all these though I’m trying to
My friend asked me to use the extreme
To delete his number and emails
Call him if he ever comes to my house
Cuz he thinks he is only using and destroying me
He told me this
He was worried about me even before I know him well
He was worried to know something is going on yet I didn’t open my mouth
And he said he’s willing to help if I needed some anytime
I’m truly touched to know someone cares
Especially its from someone that I barely know before
I believe that these words are from God
To remind me that He knows and He cares
And all these people are angels He sent
To give me comfort and strength
Searching @ 1:08 PM*
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
You are flying off in few days...i'm starting to miss you nowBe Safe Be Good Be Blessed
Searching @ 2:42 PM*
Monday, January 29, 2007
Let me go….I am so so tired…
For the past few days… you tried to hunt me down…
You use an innocent excuse… saying you just want to have a meal with me before you leave…
You want me to treat you like what I used to …
You want me to be there whenever you want someone to be there…
Of you and my surprise …. I was so reluctant to see you…
Over the 4 days that you’ve been trying to contact me…
I squeezed one hour out for you…
You requested me to leave wherever I am whatever I was doing…but to go to see you…
You cry over the phone… used all sarcastic words and even threatened me with drinking…
You said I’ve changed and I no longer care about you…
You said everything you can trying to break my defense…
You said I am selfish because I only care to enjoy myself with my friends…
I only want to say this :
WHATEVER !!!!
Cant I choose to move on?
Cant I hang out with people that I like?
Cant I choose to stay home than to see you?
Cant I choose who to have meals with?
Cant I choose where to spend my weekend?
Cant I choose not to talk to you?
Cant I choose to do the right thing?
Cant I choose to enjoy my life?
Cant I choose to not to be affected by the devils?
Cant I start my life anew?
Call me a liar or a betrayer or a cold-blooder… I don’t care!!!
I’m simply sick of can only stay in the house.. seeing you morning over the ugly past…
Refuse to move on, reject the whole world, being negative and depressed… blaming everyone else but not facing your mistakes..… I ‘ve had enough of all these…
I am your friend .. I always am.. I’ll not cross the border anymore…
I’ll lend you a hand if you decided to walk out… but I’ll not stay put with you…
I’m not worried about you, because I’ll uplift you in my prayer..
That’s the most and the best I can do for you now..
And I know our Lord will take care of you…
Its time to wake up my dear friend,
for the Lord has much greater thing in store for you~~~~
Searching @ 11:09 PM*
Steal this from Ray...
will have my Confession later... =Þ
How can anyone not love this man...
and i never have such nice picture of you...
so i sinned... and this will be a little secret...
between me and you...
Searching @ 9:41 AM*
Thursday, January 25, 2007
My G.O.D is B.I.G
I’ll tightly seal this short phase in my heart…
As I know the devil is not letting me go .. not at all..
But me… after all that has happened…
I think I’m in a awaking process..
I’m now learning to let God take over… not just speaking from word…
But doing it from my heart..and I ask for peace to face any and every circumstances…
And God does.. He smile and said “told you to let go.. see what have you got yourself into before.. its alright now…relax my child.. I’ll handle it.. just stay along my side and you’ll be fine…”
I can feel what Peter was feeling in the storm… the trust, calmness and peace that’s beyond understanding… that comes from God and God only…
Just before I came back…
Again you throw your emotions on me…wanting to cut-off the connections again…
Falling all into your depressive mode… saying I can only move on without you around..
Honestly I was affected… understand and cant comprehend towards the whole issue…. So as per you wish… I ignore you… I was too busy and too far to do anything… and I think…something in me changed….
Touching down in perth…dropping you a msg…informing you of my arrival… hoping you wont feel that rejected… trying to prove that I have nothing against you …not at all… again.. ignored my sms…fine.. I’m not surprised at all…as usual…you are dwelling in your self-pity mode..
Few days after…u called to ask me bout Joey…sounded so normal and cool…put down the phone after passing on the message… fine.. I continue with my youth group…
Again.. you contacted me for work related reasons….we chat as if nothing has happened… ok cool… you are now at your better mode… glad you are .. I am really glad…
During all these…I’m trying to settle down back to life in perth…being independent again…settle in my new job… getting back to church…getting back in touch with the community… I’m glad you seems alright…and mavis said you guys went out for meal…I’m glad to know.. because… I’m trying to get back on track as well… I am busy.. mentally..
Then you dropped a bomb out of no where… called to say you want to drop me some documents…being sarcastic when you know I’m out (cant I go out???) … then called again later the same day… asking me what’s my dinner plan… yes… I have plan already…because its Derree’s birthday…. Then you drop the line before I could say anything… fine… knowing you too well…you are in your depression again… dropped you a message trying to explain myself… promising another date to catch up … and there you again throw tantrum on me … I am loosing my patience this time.. you might say I am selfish…and you always portrait me as a betrayer… thinking I’m having good life leaving you suffering all by yourself.. admitting your jealousy that you cant go back to where you are… I’ve never blame you on any of this… I know you are not thinking straight… but please understand… it’s not easy for me to stand up and move on… I struggled to be where I am today… I hope the same for you… but for you to continue treating me like a slave or a dog.. who presence is upon your calling… let me tell you I’m loosing the patience… I’ve given you enough time… and at this stage… its really your choice to stand up or not… as a friend…I dare to say I’ve done all I can… more than what I can offer… I’m drained.. and I have my emotions … so again… I choose to ignore you…
Few days after… you are up to your mood again.. leaving my dvds outside my door step knowing that I’m just inside the house… forcing me to reply to your sms…
Within two weeks that I’m back in perth…the devil try hard enough to drag me down again…
Oh Lord… I know this is not from you… but the devil
And Father… I ask for stillness … stillness in your presence… that I’ll not be shaken or be moved…
Father I ask for wisdom and strength… to resist… to breakthrough the devils’ lies and temptation… Father I ask for your magnificent power and gracious love to turn the situation around… to show us direction and truth….
Father may all things dim down but your glory shows…
Let me see not others but you alone …
Father… removed the hatred I have towards her…
Re-build the compassion I have towards mankind…
And lord, pick him up from where he falls and teach him how to walk again…
Father, may this year be your Year.. a year whom I have my eyes and heart fixed on you and you only… whatever that comes into my way…may it be your plan…
When the Oceans rise and Thunder roars
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know YOU ARE GOD
Searching @ 4:15 PM*
2006~~2007I cant remember when was my last posting…
But it doesn’t matter … its already last year’s stuff…
Its now 2007…
OMG… its another year… quick..just too quick…
I look forward to a new year… for I cant wait for a new start…
I was stress before I came back to perth…
For I’m scared that I’ll fall back into the haunted nightmare…
Sleepless nights before I flew back.. all stress and don’t know what to expect…
I never set myself any new year resolution… as I never successfully achieve them..
But I do hope.. or desperate for a new start… a whole new start…
Finding back myself…finding back what I’ve lost…
I want to leave everything with year 2006..
Its not pleasant but I’ll let them rest in my memory…
And memory only… let them not affect my normal life anymore…
As I girl I used to dream of those romance… life…
Where full of ups and down… lots of tears n laughters … having all kind of flavours..
But now.. I pray for peace… for simple and ordinary life…A life that allows me to smile from my heart… to care without intention… to love without fear… and to sleep through the night in peace…
Searching @ 4:14 PM*
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Happy Birthday…
Though you are far away…
I pray that your heart is still filled with
Love... Peace… Joy… and Hope…
Whatever happens… happened… so let it be..
Look forward though it seems blurry and grey…
Cling on to the Father’s hand…
And He’ll lead you to where your are most suitably be…
Our heart’s desires may not always be granted…
But He who knows and constructed our heart..
Will lead us to see from his perspective…
Lets not just “KNOW” He has a better plan for us…
But “BELIEVE” that He knows what is the best for us…
For knowing bring us no where but believing builds our faith and gives us strength…
It’s a long suffering process…
But you are like a caterpillar in cacoon…
I’m looking forward to see you breaking out of the long awaiting process…
And shine brightly before men…proudly before god…
Hang on there… for you are at dawn…
The first ray of sun light its on its way…
Love you … no matter what..where and when..
Searching @ 10:45 PM*
