Thursday, August 25, 2005
i'm tiredi think i'm tired..mainly physical... but also emotional & spiritual..i think i've involved myself in too many thingsnothing as compared to some othersbut is a bit too much for me i guess..guess i should learn to say no at times i'm deprive from spending time with myself, my dogs, and my tvbasically that's me huh...sounds meaningless to deprive from those thingsbut i am deprive from it..emotionally...spirituallyi'm never too stable i guess...i mean... i'm always happy when surrounded by crowds..but the emptiness kick in as soon as the crowds are gone...isnt that strange... i deprive from spending time by myself...yet at the same time feel empty when i'm alone...i guess some of you will tell me ...because i dont have God in meso how to have God in me?? the feeling is so near yet so far..life is peaceful now...so far at least..i try to not to complaint..firstly people that i want to complaint to is not interested in listening to me (i dont complaint to anyone.. i wont say its your privilege to listen to me..but do u know it takes lots of trust to complaint to someone...cuz the person could back stab u anytime..) i dont complaint to anyone..everyone ... dont ask me why...just dont feel like doing it...again...i think it needs lotsa trust for me to pour things out to one... but yet...the one thinks i've been complaining too much...one who told me he's willing to listen to all that i want to say...when love fades...my voice is then more than bearable..i've always try to be good...as much as i can...not that i trying to fake it...but i thought... it'll hurt me when i hurt others as well...so if within my ability...and the other party has brought me no harm...i wouldnt mind doing a bit more ...but today i was shocked...or maybe...just kind of surprise...she treated her so so well...but she almost yelled at her.. to me... i think at that setting...when everyone is rushing for time...basically no one is at fault...but for friends as close as them..as close as sister...her attitude just doesnt seems right to me...or maybe they are too close...to the point thar she doesnt care to show her real self... or is she taking her kindness for granted?? maybe i'm not that level...i cant understand this kind of "sisterly love"...but ya...i was a bit shocked..one...is getting further n further n further...so far till i couldnt reach at allone...is not showing much interest either... i dont know his heart...not at all..me.. tired...always tired...day dream...always day dream..empty..dont want to be anymore...i miss mars .... i dont like the name monti.
Searching @ 11:20 PM*
