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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Blogging~~~~~


Someone...something...some blogs changed my whole perspective today..
i was browsing through the blogs of a few of my friends...
i see no complaints..
no hatred..
no criticisms..
no back stabbing..
no accusations..
But all i can see is..
sharing..good or bad..encouragements.. thought of the day.. etc

these were so different from what i first experienced...

i was being mentioned in 2 totally different blogs (so far as i know)

one- i was being accused to the max... i was being commented so badly, & of all, the one that hurt me the most is i'm fake... i was truely hurt when i read that... because all i'm trying to do is to be real.. i was being commented as fake because i could laugh n talk freely in front of others but silent in front of "YOU"...but i thought...if i could laugh n talk in front of YOU....then i'm really fake!! simply because i really love others... n just trying to compromise in front of YOU... so am i fake? what do you mean by being real? YOU told the whole world that YOU are sick of me... have had ENOUGH of ME ...knowing that...if i still have all the smiley faces in front of YOU...am i real? how to smile when almost every now and then that i'll hear something that you said about me...things that done behind me?? how to be more friendly when i'm trying so hard to press everything down all the time... fake?? i thought this is REAL? Fake? why accuse me at one end and treat me well in front of others? fake? real? I'm confused...

the second blog - from a friend that i'm not too close... but we somehow enjoy things that we do together... once i release my anger on this friend for no reason.. he take it...but there it forms a gap between us... i was terribly sorry & regret after that... so after months..i finally saved up enough courages to apologise to him... n he treasures it... n i treasure him as my dear bro as well... he said thanks for being a friend...i'd say thanks for being a Brother...

i'm so encouraged to read through those blogs...and i learn this...it'll do me not one good to complaint 10 paragraph...but it'll brighten up my whole day to just to read one encouraging sentence...so i guess... i prefer to be happy... i'll still be who i am...regardless of what YOU said...enough of being tortured emotionally .... i dont guarantee i can do it all the time...u know...gals...hormones change every now and then... but i guess i should always look up to the bright side then to dwell in my grudges...

mmm...actually am very tempted to share my thoughts with u gals...but am a bit withdraw... no one has ever gone so deep in my life before...

Searching @ 2:15 PM*


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