Monday, August 29, 2005
我该离开吗？我不知道真的不知道留下，我仍然是嘻嘻哈哈地，可是，我却觉得我的伤口从来没有痊愈过只要我一个人独处，就会不由自主的掉入悲伤的漩涡里又或者我根本没出来过我的生活很忙碌但我在喘不过气之际却仍然感到孤单身边围绕着许多人却觉得无助原来九个月后我仍在原地踏步我仍无法忘怀我仍在期待期待有人告诉我一切都是一场梦将一切复原我没爱过没痛过没有背叛没有欺骗没有遗弃没有伤痕他把项链送给我，却马上表明立场，我不明白他已不爱我，但听他轻松的说这他的离去，我却感到心碎他们俩都不属于我，这我明白但日夜的面对着他们我根本没办法脱离那悲伤的漩涡我根本就不坚强但我讨厌解释所以我选择隐藏但长久的隐藏使我即将崩溃了也许， 是时候离开了吧我不舍的但我真的累了
Searching @ 10:56 PM*
Thursday, August 25, 2005
i'm tiredi think i'm tired..mainly physical... but also emotional & spiritual..i think i've involved myself in too many thingsnothing as compared to some othersbut is a bit too much for me i guess..guess i should learn to say no at times i'm deprive from spending time with myself, my dogs, and my tvbasically that's me huh...sounds meaningless to deprive from those thingsbut i am deprive from it..emotionally...spirituallyi'm never too stable i guess...i mean... i'm always happy when surrounded by crowds..but the emptiness kick in as soon as the crowds are gone...isnt that strange... i deprive from spending time by myself...yet at the same time feel empty when i'm alone...i guess some of you will tell me ...because i dont have God in meso how to have God in me?? the feeling is so near yet so far..life is peaceful now...so far at least..i try to not to complaint..firstly people that i want to complaint to is not interested in listening to me (i dont complaint to anyone.. i wont say its your privilege to listen to me..but do u know it takes lots of trust to complaint to someone...cuz the person could back stab u anytime..) i dont complaint to anyone..everyone ... dont ask me why...just dont feel like doing it...again...i think it needs lotsa trust for me to pour things out to one... but yet...the one thinks i've been complaining too much...one who told me he's willing to listen to all that i want to say...when love fades...my voice is then more than bearable..i've always try to be good...as much as i can...not that i trying to fake it...but i thought... it'll hurt me when i hurt others as well...so if within my ability...and the other party has brought me no harm...i wouldnt mind doing a bit more ...but today i was shocked...or maybe...just kind of surprise...she treated her so so well...but she almost yelled at her.. to me... i think at that setting...when everyone is rushing for time...basically no one is at fault...but for friends as close as them..as close as sister...her attitude just doesnt seems right to me...or maybe they are too close...to the point thar she doesnt care to show her real self... or is she taking her kindness for granted?? maybe i'm not that level...i cant understand this kind of "sisterly love"...but ya...i was a bit shocked..one...is getting further n further n further...so far till i couldnt reach at allone...is not showing much interest either... i dont know his heart...not at all..me.. tired...always tired...day dream...always day dream..empty..dont want to be anymore...i miss mars .... i dont like the name monti.
Searching @ 11:20 PM*
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Blogging~~~~~Someone...something...some blogs changed my whole perspective today..i was browsing through the blogs of a few of my friends...i see no complaints..no hatred..no criticisms..no back stabbing..no accusations..But all i can see is..sharing..good or bad..encouragements.. thought of the day.. etcthese were so different from what i first experienced...i was being mentioned in 2 totally different blogs (so far as i know)one- i was being accused to the max... i was being commented so badly, & of all, the one that hurt me the most is i'm fake... i was truely hurt when i read that... because all i'm trying to do is to be real.. i was being commented as fake because i could laugh n talk freely in front of others but silent in front of "YOU"...but i thought...if i could laugh n talk in front of YOU....then i'm really fake!! simply because i really love others... n just trying to compromise in front of YOU... so am i fake? what do you mean by being real? YOU told the whole world that YOU are sick of me... have had ENOUGH of ME ...knowing that...if i still have all the smiley faces in front of YOU...am i real? how to smile when almost every now and then that i'll hear something that you said about me...things that done behind me?? how to be more friendly when i'm trying so hard to press everything down all the time... fake?? i thought this is REAL? Fake? why accuse me at one end and treat me well in front of others? fake? real? I'm confused...the second blog - from a friend that i'm not too close... but we somehow enjoy things that we do together... once i release my anger on this friend for no reason.. he take it...but there it forms a gap between us... i was terribly sorry & regret after that... so after months..i finally saved up enough courages to apologise to him... n he treasures it... n i treasure him as my dear bro as well... he said thanks for being a friend...i'd say thanks for being a Brother...i'm so encouraged to read through those blogs...and i learn this...it'll do me not one good to complaint 10 paragraph...but it'll brighten up my whole day to just to read one encouraging sentence...so i guess... i prefer to be happy... i'll still be who i am...regardless of what YOU said...enough of being tortured emotionally .... i dont guarantee i can do it all the time...u know...gals...hormones change every now and then... but i guess i should always look up to the bright side then to dwell in my grudges... mmm...actually am very tempted to share my thoughts with u gals...but am a bit withdraw... no one has ever gone so deep in my life before...
Searching @ 2:15 PM*
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Dreams~~~have you ever heard this:if one day you suddenly dream of someone:a person that you would hardly think ofa person that you'd never miss hima person that does not get much of your attentiona person that matters, yet not much to youbasically, just an ordinary friendBUT things changed once you dream of this personyour mind starts runningyour imagination starts going wildyour world starts tumbling upside downyour heart starts pounding slightly fasteryour hormones start changingAND, you start THINKING about this personthis is stupid i know...but honestly...this was how i started liking lee-hom...till now.. ^.^in reality, i know its just a dreami dont really like the person,i just love the setting in the dream,everything is sweet and niceand it happens that this person falls into that settingthen as i miss that romance moment, i miss that person toosimply because, he is part of the play.so...mm..i should just let my hormones settled downlet my boiling blood cool downlet my fast pounding heart slow downand everything will be fineBUT...at least at this momenti'm still enjoying the sweetness that the dream brought to mesomething that's unrealbut yet makes my day =>
Searching @ 5:00 PM*
Sunday, August 21, 2005
火星上馗了。。。
我的宝贝火星终于走了
它开始它崭新的生活了
去了一个连我也没到过的地方
跟着一个我也没见过的家庭
他，现在还好吗？
我好想念这个小宝贝，
不知道它过得习惯吗？
晚上害怕吗？
会冷吗？
有被骂吗？
它，还记得我吗？
它， 仍然叫火星吗？
我的小火星，你记得我们的祷告吗？
愿主保佑你，
愿天使们守护着你
愿那新家庭爱着你
愿我的味道陪伴着你
终究，我只愿你，健康快乐的长大~~~~~
我的小火星，加油吧！！！
Searching @ 10:25 PM*
Sunday, August 14, 2005
我。。。。累了
这个周末好忙哦
节目排得满满地
转眼间，又是周日晚上了
感觉上好累哦
不止身体上的疲倦
心灵上，更觉得体力透支
我猜不透他和他到底在想些什么？
一时，两个都对我关怀备至
一时，两个都对我不闻不问
他们同时出现
但也同时离开
一直不停的捉迷藏
我，好累呢
还是，根本就是我自己想多了
一直在钻牛角尖
一直把自己封闭在回忆里
一直在自寻烦恼
到底，该怎么办？
放下吗？ 等待吗？
还是睡觉吧 *o*
Searching @ 9:25 PM*
梦醒了~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
才发现， 原来他并不只是对我好
原来， 他对其他也同样的细心
看在眼里， 心里好酸哦！
因为，我已没资格要求了
我终于来到现实了
一切真的过去了
他真的不爱我了
在他的心中
我已经不是什么了
我们曾经疯狂
曾经迷恋
曾经的不顾一却
曾经的山盟海誓
似乎都已经不重要了
重要的是
他，不爱我了
Searching @ 2:08 AM*
Friday, August 05, 2005
小瓜寻梦去~~~~~
小瓜终于离开了
跟随着它的新妈妈踏尘而去了
它一直都是最贴心的一个
也是我心中的另一块肉
看着它的离去
心中难免不舍
可是， 理智上我却明白到
它这一去
实在是踏上幸福之路
我带着这么多个小东东
即使我再疼它们
也无法专注于其中一个的身上
与其如此，倒不如让它们找一个可以
全心全意照顾它们的人
那样，小瓜们大概会比较幸福吧!!!
但愿小瓜今晚能够睡得安宁
毛毛，不怕不怕
当你害怕时
就想想我们的祷告吧
你，一定会幸福的
Searching @ 9:21 PM*
