+ : + : + : + : V i n t a g e INNOCenCe + : + : + :

Friday, July 15, 2005

i...errrmmm...exploded

after all the repeating false accusations plus the fluctuations of my hormones... i finally exploded....
nearly declare war with her....
was actually abit regreted after that...
i dont mean to stir things up...
i thought i can swallow it all...
n i hate to get people to worried or wonder what had happened...
but i also hate to be misunderstood..
i hate to be questioned over n over again for the false statements...

but i thank God for all the understanding hearts n ears...
i guess...its good enough...
at least, i had a chance to speak for myself...
they might not believe it all...
but at least... this time i speak for myself....

i read s friends' blog today...
she was talking about lying...
she was wondering why people lie so much just to protect themselves...
she knows truth hurts...but she also realise that lies hurt more when its being revealed...
i had a grin on my face when i was reading it...
feel like giving her a BIG HIGH 5...
because...i wonder WHY as well??
i always got nervous if i have to lie...
n i get worried over it...
n after the SUPER BIG lesson that ive learnt last year...
i tolf myself i can lie no more...
if its hard to talk or tell..
i'll rather choose to be silent then...
i think that's why i'm being named the moody, scary, fierce n unapproachable housemate...
but how...
i really have got nothing to talk to her...
n really dont want to tell her anything!!!
...i guess...to choose between lying n being accused...

i keep my stand.... her cell leader told me...
ultimately....i'm here to please God n NOT Men...
muahahha....too bad...even your cell leader reminds me not to please u...
=Þ if ivy is reading now...i think she'll vormit blood...
cuz that's not what she meant ..kekekekkek
but honestly... i really cant force myself to talk much to her...
its very tiring...especially i need to use my brain 3 times harder when i talk to her...
has o differentiate whether she's lying or not...mmmm...
i think...i prefer to be scary then...

sometimes i dont understand...we were once so close...
if she really treat me as her close friend...then why keep lying to me?
besides not talking to her much...what are the things that i have not treat her well enough...
that she need to continuously talk bad about me....
i really wonder... is me or her??
ivy said there's lotsa misunderstanding...
but all that happened... is not from my assumptions or imagination....
is all that she told people n people pass back to me...
so is it still misunderstanding?
to me....the only misunderstanding here would be...
she thought that i'm simply weird... but not knowing that i know all that she's doing....
how to sort this out then?
i wonder~~~~~

Searching @ 2:08 PM*

Friday, July 08, 2005

In the Midst of...

i'm in the midst of my work
works piling up
accounts going wrong
but i'm suddenly flooded with anger & frustration
not sure is the devils or the hormones
just cant get over of what she has done all these while

i thought i've been taking it lightly...
i thought i've closed all my eyes, ears & mouth
but i just realise that
in order for me to be in total ignorance
i need to shut down my brain as well...
so basically i can only be totally fine if
I AM A VEGETABLES!!!!

mmm.... i told them that she's now blinded to
all the pees n poos.... that she rather skip & hop her way through
summore asked me: yeeee...mopping floor again?
i'm like : "THEN???"
last night was the best
there's this pile of poo at the centre of the bathroom
but she went in to take bath and came out
and as u'd know the poo remained there as it was before
till one of my dear friend went in to clean it for me
he was only there to visit me !!!
where am i? mopping floor outside...

errr...well... dont get me wrong
i've never expects her to do it for me
the thing that i cant take is
before : i'm very used to cleaning it, no prblem i'll help u, no worries ya
current: is there a poo or pee? i didnt see wor...OR walked through it silently...
yet still wanna announce to the world how much you love my dogs... >[
not a BIG BIG deal ... just not very comfortable for someone to be so fake

i dont know why...
all these i knew it long time...
and its been happening all the while in different incidents..
i shouldn't have such big reaction
guess the time of the month is really near...
my hormons is stirring up all kind of emotions in me....

deep breath now....phew...back to work

Searching @ 3:45 AM*

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

First Time *.*

First time hadall my toes frozen till its all numb and red,simply because
i'm smart enough to wear a pair of sandals out of my house under
0.5 C of weather 7.30am in the morning

First time wearing my jeans not realising there's a lump of stuff inside,
not until i'm out of the house, an hour later; get off the bus, that the lump has went down to
my knee, almost fallen off my jeans...phew that'll be the greatest embarrassment
of all... who knows what's that ^.^

First time found out that, simply because of pulling string, someone who doesnt even know
how to refill a stappler; repeatedly asking you the same simple question over 1000 times ; after working for 3 months yet cant differentiate whether on hand is an invoice or receipt.. with lots more other lame reason and can still be employed as acc payable clerk...huh???

mmm ohh well...anything could happen....guess is time to widen my perspective lorrrrrr

Searching @ 3:34 PM*

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Its another Day~~~~~~~

basically nothing much has happen...but just feel like leaving a word or wo here today...
life seems quiet & peaceful now... everything seems to have settled down n over..

but somehow i have no peace in my mind...
maybe because i have not been sleeping well for the past months
maybe because i'm struggling to not to give the pups away
maybe because i'm struggling to clear all my debts..
maybe because i'm tired of the routine...
maybe because i'm a bit homesick..
maybe because i'm frustrated with myself of not being discipline
maybe because i long for love... to love n be loved
maybe because i long for a holidays...
maybe because i dont know how to manage a relationship
maybe because i dont know how to manage my anger
maybe because i have too much time to think of all the nonsense
maybe i keep telling myself there's always another maybe...made me impractical

oh well... i think i'm near to the time of the month....
my hormones is taking over my rationality...
finding it hard to keep my mind clear...

i think i need a good sleep...
an un-interrupted ones...

Searching @ 3:40 PM*

Friday, July 01, 2005

1st July 2005

A start of a new financial year, i pray that it'll be a whole start of my life as well. I'm an accountant, so i go by financial year. for the financial year ending 2005, my performance report & balance sheet has gotten a qualified report. so as for this new start, i need to do lots of review, to clean my record, and to work hard for the coming days.

^.^ guess people who dont know me, will be scratching their heads & at the same time shutting off the window; people who knows me, wil be shaking their head, thinking"this gal is going crazy"....hehhehehe...i'm not...i'm just trying to express myself using my professionalism 9as if i have any =Þ)...

its true;
performance report - i didnt pass one of my cpa unit, wasted money to repeat it again; didnt manage my walk with God well, kinda slacking in my quiet time; didnt manage my relationship well, broke off n broke off again; didnt manage my friendship well, kept them worried and not catching up with them; didnt manage my finances well, after working for a year yet have no savings in my bank account; didnt manage my family well, refusing to settle down in m'sia as per my parents request; didnt manage my pets well, causing one of the pup died due to my negligent act.

balance sheet : i didnt balance up my leisure time with my quiet time as my leisure time always win; i didnt balance up my own life n my family life as i always got scolded for not calling home for a month; not balancing my finances as my expense always exceeds my income; not balancing my friends as its been long since i last email my old buddies.

qualified report : given by God, telling me is time to tidy up this mess, now that i realise the problems, n he has given me all the information (the bible) & resources (pay rise, a house, a pass for my exam n of most important some really great people), i'd better show him a good and clean report this coming year.

mmmm.. i'm a bit too comfortable now, my feet is so heavy to walk out of my comfort zone again.... n am a bit tired ... Mr Auditor, can i slack for a while more?

errrr......nope nope nope....i change my mind (so? i'm a woman, bound to changes all the time!! =Þ) i better start moving myself, i really dont appreciate it when HE gives me a good kick to get me started.... is always way too painful to bear eventhough the results are achieved, but the price is always too great to pay.... mmmm...on my feet now...

Searching @ 4:50 PM*

Links

Previous Posts

Archives