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Friday, June 24, 2005

它终于走了

那好心的妇人
与她那办事效力极高的丈夫

已把我的它化为尘土了

我好想它

主啊
怎样才不会痛

我并不坚强
请别一再得夺走我的爱好吗

想它
好想它

是名字改错了吧
我为它取名泪滴
现在听来，实在是讽刺

它， 将会是永远悬在我心里头的一滴泪
永不掉下
永不干枯
永不磨灭

Searching @ 8:30 PM*


Thursday, June 23, 2005

不到24小时前
它还活蹦乱跳

现在我竟然在安排它的后事
今天我的泪腺坏了，一直都关不了
心仍然如撕裂般的痛
好想它，好想再抱它， 再亲它

我去见它最后一面了
它就犹如睡着了一样
宁静而安详

可我的心就碎了
看着它被清理过的毛发
我可以想象当时它所流的血是那么的多，一定很疼吧
它没全合上的眼睛， 是不甘心吗？是留恋吗？
我觉得它也许是在等待它的亲人想见他们一面吧
毕竟这一切发生都太快了
我连于它道别的机会都没有

主啊，
把感觉这东西拿走吧
我快支撑不下去了

Searching @ 8:12 PM*


今夜我渡过了我人生最漫长的一夜

我见证了生命的脆弱
一通电话
让我的世界翻天覆地

我弱小的TD从床上摔了下地
虽然已经马上送到兽医院急救
可是天父仍然选择把它从我身边带走

凌晨12点
第一通电话- 它的情况恶化， 脑部内出血，生命在危

凌晨一点
第二通电话- 要我有心理准备，情况并没有好转，它仍在昏迷， 药物并没有效

凌晨两点
第三通电话- 兽医劝我放弃，对它将会是一种解脱，我不舍得放手，却不忍心让它承受那么大的痛苦，毕竟它才不过三个星期大。我忍着眼泪告诉兽医， 让一切都结束吧。

我的心好痛
从没有这么的痛
有人了解亲手结束一条生命的滋味吗？

今夜没有天使当值吗？
为何都没人听到我的祷告与哭诉？

我好想它

Searching @ 4:44 AM*


Sunday, June 19, 2005

犹豫了

有时候我真的搞不懂自己
干嘛永远都犹豫不决？

生气的时候咬牙切齿的总想象着各种报复的行为
忙着疗伤与保护自己
可是却永远做不出任何事

而只要事情有些许好转
我就会马上心软
就此事而言
她被家事烦心
我与她对质的念头就消了大半

可这并不代表我把事情放下了
只要她对我再撒一次谎
我马上又会恨的牙痒痒的

我好想学会原谅
是真正的原谅
是耶稣的原谅

Searching @ 6:54 PM*


Friday, June 17, 2005

***Rainbow ***

this morning when i stepped out from the house, the first thing that came to me was a full, bright & beautiful rainbow giving me a BIG BIG SMILE!! it makes up my day.... eventhough the weather was freezing cold but the colours of the rainbow made me smile ^.^ JOY...is actually something simple hey...

i take it as a greeting from God, for my housing issues finally get to settled last night, although there's still quite a number of constraints, at least God provided me a shelter.. that i dont have to trouble other people or end up on the street ...

People keep telling me that.. its ok to seek help from friends, this is what friends are for... i actually understand that.... but for some reason... i'm so used to handling issues by myself ... is not that my friends are not capable...and i know that with their help things will be done far better than i can... but i just have problem opening my mouth... mmm... not good not good..

i had a good night sleep last night...warm and sweet... all thanks to someone ....who brings warmth to me ...

its weekend again... i need a good good rest... i'm tired... a bit tired...

Searching @ 2:55 PM*


Thursday, June 16, 2005

i ever wonder why people likes to post their thoughts online? is it because they want to make it known to the world? or simply they have no one to tell?? how does it feel to let your thoughts and feeling float around the cyber space? i think its a bit exciting, cuz u wont know who will see it... a bit lonely, as there may be no one who will ever see it, which means no one will ever understand how you feel deep inside... or ..mmmmmm..i dont know... i think at this moment i'm feeling a bit lonely... surrounded by lotsa people and noise... but feeling is cold... received lots of greetings and concerns... but i guessed my heart has shut up long ago...its been so long till i dont know where is the key to unlock this pounding organ... dont know how to set it free... lotsa people says i'm very blessed in all that i'm doing... i agree...and i truely thank GOD for that... but i pray that God could just do a little more...to warm my heart and soul... i would never ask for more....

Searching @ 1:57 PM*


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